Realism...another name for Pessimism?

Let's examine for a moment the idea of realism versus optimism. A philosopher friend of mine just told me that he feels pessimism is more "realistic" than optimism. He's right, of course. Pessimism usually is very "realistic." Do you know why? Because what me expect tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thus, if we have negative expectations, we will have negative results. Psychologists and psychiatrists have, over the course of the past couple of decades, become cognizant of the very important role that our own expectations play in what happens during the course of our lives. I have a family member who battled cancer awhile back, and it is interesting to note that, for a few months preceding her diagnosis, she frequently said that she was "going to get cancer." In a way, this entire concept makes one want to carefully examine what is called the "law of attraction." With our thoughts, are we actually able to *create* circumstances? Possibly. In his tape program, "The Psychology of Winning," motivational expert Denis Waitley speaks of a woman who says her family "always" get the flu in the middle of July. Well, without fail, her family always does come down with the flu during the month of July. We would, of course, be much too credulous if we were to believe that this is always the case. However, the question I would like to pose is this: if there is the slightest possibility that we could bring catastrophes and problems into our lives by the quality of our thoughts, shouldn't we at least make the utmost effort to remain positive?

There are so many "realists" (i.e., pessimists) who will be the first to say that positive thinking is a simplistic way of life. They would have us think that we were living in a world of fantasy by instilling the habit of positive self-expectancy. Yet positive self-expectancy is one of the most important qualities of a total winner. In a way, it is a type of faith. Regardless of your religious orientation, you must have faith--if only in yourself and your own capabilities. Even St. Augustine wrote, "Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for

this faith is to see what you believe." Do we not all, in some aspect of our lives, exhibit faith? For example, when we go somewhere in our car, do we not have faith that we will be safe and not have an accident? If we ever fly on an airplane do we assume it will crash? Or, do we have faith in the pilot? So, what is the difference in having faith in ourselves?? To have no confidence in our abilities, to shelves our dreams and aspirations like old, forgotten books, is the way to make certain that we will live a bland, mediocre, unfulfilling life. No, positive thinking doesn't work 100 % of the time. There isn't any sensibile person who would believe that it does. However, the instances of it having worked are remarkable. Cases have been documented in which a positive mental attitude has actually cured a person of terminal cancer. Now I ask: if a positive mental attitude can cure someone of cancer what can it do in your life? I wonder how many of those who think positive thinking is merely a lot of rubbish are actually living the life of their dreams. Scarcely anyone, I would imagine. So, next time someone tries to tell you that thinking optimistically isn't living in "the real world," tune them out. Realize that that's where they're coming from. You see, each of us is at a different point in our lives. Some of us simply aren't open to certain suggestions. Eventually--hopefully, some of these pessimists/realists will start to look for the silver lining in their lives. Until them, let them steep themselves in their own melancholia. Just don't let them affect you!

"Yes I Can!"

So, you're thinking, another bit of advice about how I can achieve success. Next she'll be telling me I need to develop a "positive mental attitude!" Truth is, you DO! In fact, a positive mental attitude is the starting point of all achievement. Yes, positive thinking really does work no matter what you may currently think about it. "Well, it's easier said than done," a college student told me recently. He's in the process of trying to decide what he wants his major to be. Unfortunately, he has a lot of "well-wishers" helping him in this regard--namely, parents and counselors who are trying to tell him what to do. But, at the end of his life, does he really want to spend his time on a career somebody else chose for him? More importantly, do you? Naturally, I understand you need to pay your bills, and you probably think you can't afford to pursue your dreams. After all, how do you know these dreams would ever become a reality anyway? Of course, you don't. No one can guarantee you that they will. But one thing's for sure: if you don't develop a clear-cut idea of what your "dreams" are and come up with a plan to achieve them, you will end your life with most, if not all, of your potential unused. Goethe says, "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." Don't allow yourself to make up a bunch of excuses for why your dreams are impossibilities. You or someone you love or admire--whether it be a parent, spouse, or "dear" friend--will always be able to find reasons for why your dreams are "unrealisitic." Either you're "too old" or you're "too young" or you don't have enough education or talent. You must tune out these well-meaning advisors. Let's face it--you certainly don't want to come to the end up your life with a list of "woulda's, shoulda's, coulda's." And listening to people who *think* they have your best interest at heart but really don't is one way to ensure a lifetime (literally) of regrets.

There is a wonderful book I am re-reading now called _Seeds of Greatness_. It is by the top-notch expert on motivation, Denis Waitley. It deals with the 10 "seeds of success," beginning with the "seed" of self-esteem. Waitley is scarcely a novice on this subject. Indeed, he has counseled everybody from Olympic athletes to Apollo Moon Program astronauts. He was even at one time on the United State Olympic Committee's Sports Medicine Council. He makes it clear, in this book, that success has nothing to do with talent, IQ, birth, race, money or education. It really has to do with how we see ourselves and whether or not we are willing to believe in ourselves and our own inner greatness. For, Waitley writes, "it's not what you are that holds you back. It's what you think you're not."

So, stop saying "I can't do that" or "I can't do this." As Waitley says, "the most important three words you can say to yourself (when it comes to pursuing your dreams) is 'Yes I Can!'" Next time you catch yourself using some excuse in order to avoid doing something you should do, remember these words. And say them out loud!